Me with the first piece of furniture that I bought for Micah and I's first apartment. All of our belongings are currently stored at my dad's house.
Personal Care, Reflection

For Those Whose Lives Have Been Not-So-Delightfully Disrupted By COVID-19

*Se puede encontrar a la versión en Español debajo de la en inglés.*

Today I want to get a little personal.

The Coronavirus pandemic has messed up the plans of everyone in the world: This I know for sure.

Well, the main way that it has impacted me is that I have now been separated from Micah, my husband, for seven months since our wedding.

That number will probably be eight months by the time I get to move to Italy to be with him.

While I was once supposed to have moved to Italy in May right after school ended, repeated office closures on base, mandatory quarantining and travel restrictions put an end to that possibility.

We, at first, thought the issue would be short-lived. However, months went by.

June, July and now quickly transitioning into August.

We have heard, “two more weeks,” about four times. The last time we heard it I spent the rest of the day, between school work and interviews for a news story I was writing, either crying or asleep.

Among other stressors, I have realized one pertinent thing.

I have no idea how to pack.

I especially don’t know how to pack all of my belongings in time to coincide with a timeline that I am increasingly unsure of and increasingly impatient with. I really just miss Micah, and anything that continues to separate us I am impatient with.

Part of me feels like this shouldn’t affect me so. Plenty of people move every year. Plenty of people leave their college town and plenty of people finish their degrees online.

But it hasn’t been easy, and I have tried to fill my time with as much work as I can to distract myself.

While our paperwork remains unsigned by leadership in Italy, my apartment lease in Gainesville still ends on the 31st, meaning I will have to move back home for an indefinite amount of time. Which, for someone who places a high value on independence and having my own space, is anxiety inducing on its own.

I think most of all I am scared of interim space. Maybe it’s a result of packing up my bag and switching homes every other weekend when I was younger, but the feeling of wandering, living out of bags, doesn’t sit well with me.

So, I want to write down three important reminders for those of us in interim spaces this year due to circumstances outside of our control. Mostly because I feel like I need them to hang on to when the one person who calms my persistent nerves is still thousands of miles away.

  1. No matter how your circumstances change, you are still you.

It can be so easy to associate parts of ourselves with where we were or who we were around when they developed. But, your personality, your style, your aspirations and your talents do not disappear the moment that you leave the place in which they blossomed. You are still your favorite parts of yourself no matter where you are.

For me, Gainesville has been a place of discovery, personal growth and accomplishment. To leave it makes me feel as if all the work I have done gets erased the second I pass Paynes Prairie. I am having to rewire my brain to believe that personal growth goes with me into every situation I encounter, old and new.

2. You don’t have to explain your situation to anyone.

I recently read on another blog that military spouses feel the need to explain the nitty-gritty details about their lives. Why they stay home, why they don’t stay home, why they have a degree or why they don’t. While the blog focuses on the military, I think this also applies to those right now who have jobs or don’t, who are taking a semester off or not and who are doing a lot of self-improvement work in quarantine or not.

I want to state something that I have a really hard time with, since I am an Enneagram wing nine and a huge people pleaser: You don’t owe a random person an answer for your choices simply because they asked the question.

It’s okay to not know what is next; it’s also okay to be overwhelmed with the state of the world.

3. One way or another, we need to remain in community.

Although we cannot gather together in large groups like we once did, community can mean a lot of things given our access to technology. People are not meant to be alone in their struggles or their celebrations.

Share your pain with others, and welcome reciprocity. Delight in the joyful moments, and also look for ways to uplift others who you know are having a hard time.

Let’s take care of each other.

As always, thank you so much for reading.

How is your heart right now? Let’s chat in the comments below.

With love,

Tori 🙂

Para Algunas Personas De Quiénes Vidas Están Interrumpidas a Causa de COVID-19

Hoy quiero hablar de algo personal. 

La pandemia del Coronavirus ha interrumpido los planes de cada persona en el mundo: Esto yo sé sin pregunta. 

Pues, la manera principal en que me ha afectado es en mi separación de mi esposo, Micah, hace siete meses después de nuestro casamiento. 

Ese numero va a aumentar a ocho meses a tiempo de moverme a Italia. 

Mientras el mayo supuestamente fuera el mes de nuestra reunión después de la terminación del semestre, el cierre de las oficinas en el base, la cuarentena requerida y restricciones del viaje no nos permitieron avanzar. 

Nosotros pensábamos que el problema sería resuelto rápidamente. Pero, meses vivieron y salieron. 

Junio, julio y ahora agosto viene. 

Nos dijeron, “dos semanas más,” casi cuatro tiempos. La última vez en que lo nos dijeron, entre entrevistas por un artículo que yo estaba escribiendo y tarea, yo pasaba el día llorando o durmiendo. 

Entre otras cosas estresantes, me di cuenta de que no sé cómo empacar a mi departamento. 

Especialmente no sé cómo empacar a todas mis cosas a tiempo con una línea de tiempo que más y más no entiendo y con que estoy perdiendo paciencia. De verdad, le extraño a Micah, y cualquier cosa que nos separe, no voy a aguantar bien. 

Una parte de mi mente me dice que esta situación no deba preocuparme tanta. Muchas personas mudarse cada año. Muchas personas salir de sus ciudades universitarias y muchas personas completar a sus educaciones en línea. 

Pero, no ha estado así, y yo llenaba a mi tiempo con proyectos para distraerme. 

Mientras nuestros papeles quedan sin firmar de los líderes en Italia, mi contrato de arrendamiento acabará en el 31 de julio, significando que necesito moverme a mi casa natal por un período indefinido.  Que, a alguien que pone tan importancia en la independencia como yo me hace ansiosa.  

Creo que tengo miedo del espacio intermedio. Quizás sea un resultado de cambiar hogares cada fin de semana en mi niñez, pero el sentido de vagar, viviendo en bolsas, no va bien conmigo. 

Así que, quiero escribir tres recordatorios importantes a las personas en espacios indefinidos este año a causa de circunstancias a fuera del control. Principalmente porque siento que los necesito mientras la única persona que me calma vive lejos. 

  1. No importa cómo cambia tu situación, eres todavía tú. 

Puede ser fácil de asociar algunas partes de nosotros con dónde estábamos o con quienes estábamos cuando las desarrollaron. Pero, tu personalidad, tu modo, tus talentos y tus aspiraciones no desaparecen en el momento en que salgas del lugar en que las descubres. Eres todavía tus partes favoritos de ti mismo, no importa tu ubicación.

Para mi, Gainesville ha sido un lugar de descubrimiento, crecimiento personal y logro. Salir me hace sentir como mi trabajo me salga en el momento en que paso de Paynes Prairie. Necesito cambiar mi mentalidad para creer que mi crecimiento personal me sigue en cada momento, viejo y nuevo. 

  • No necesites explicar tu situación a ninguna persona. 

Recientemente, leí en otro blog que esposos militares sienten la necesidad de explicar los detalles de sus situaciones. Sienten que necesiten contestas a preguntas de por qué quedan a casa o no, o por qué tienen un título o no. Aunque el blog enfoca en el militar, pienso que esta idea aplica a las personas ahora que tengan trabajo o no, que asisten a escuela o no o que hagan crecimiento personal a casa o no. 

Quiero decir algo que yo todavía luchar contra, dado que soy un Enneagram ala nueve: No es obligatorio que des una explicación de tu vida a un desconocido.

Está bien si no sepas el próximo parte de tu viaje; también está bien si sientas arrumbado. 

  • De alguna manera, necesitamos quedarnos en comunidad. 

Aunque no podemos estar juntos en grupos grandes como antes, la comunidad puede sentir muchas cosas diferentes, especialmente con el acceso a la tecnología. La gente no es hecha para estar solo en sus luchas o sus celebraciones. 

Comparta tu dificultad con otros, y bien venga a la reciprocidad. Deleite en momentos emocionados, y busque por maneras de soportar a otras personas quienes tengan dificultades. 

Quiero que se nos soportemos. 

Como siempre, gracias por leer. 

¿Cómo es tu corazón en este momento? Háblame en los comentarios debajo. 

Con amor, 

Tori 

4 thoughts on “For Those Whose Lives Have Been Not-So-Delightfully Disrupted By COVID-19”

  1. My heart is filled with thankfulness for how blessed I am. My heart is broken for those who are suffering. Thank you for your thoughts and honesty and yes, “Let’s take care of each other.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for reading. I also feel blessed for the ways we have been spared so far, even if hard things have been happening.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hang in there! The unkown is always frightening. Not knowing what is going to happen and when leaves things in such an anxiety heightened state which is terrible. If you have to temporarily move back to your parents see it as an opportunity to spend some valuable time with them before moving away.

    You are 100% correct with, “People are not meant to be alone in their struggles or their celebrations.” In age of technology we have the ability to be connected with one another more than ever. Create and find a community.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for reading, and for your words of encouragement! I hope that I can find community with other bloggers and readers in this interim time 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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